Dating my kids

I have three very active kids at home, ages 11, 9 and 5; two boys and a girl. Finding the time to be with them, really be with them, was very difficult a few years ago. We all live in such a hurry, always juggling our lives between work, duties and responsibilities, that it becomes really easy to forget the essence of living a fulfilling life. In my case, a fulfilling life is strongly tied to my family; my kids and my husband. Once I recognized this, for me, it was a no brainer that I needed to quit my job if I wanted to be able to be present in my kids' lives. Don't get me wrong, I'm not telling you go ahead, run and quit your job, it was really something I needed to do for me and for them.

Since I quit my engineering job, I'm more involved in my kids' lives and extracurricular activities. I discover how amazing their personalities are, and how stubborn they can be when they argue. I know what they like and dislike, I can even buy them shoes and clothing without needing their presence, since I know exactly their sizes and their fashion tastes (and believe me this is a major accomplishment). But even though I'm spending more time with them, and am more involved in their activities, most of  our time together are basically complying with their duties and responsibilities, and some times the week pass us by and we haven't been able to have a family time, or a couple's time or even a special time with each of the kids individually. I realized that even though I'm a full time mom, I wasn't enjoying or giving them their own personal time with me, and neither was daddy.

I needed to do something, we as parents needed to do something, they grow up so fast and we were feeling that we were missing something. We sat together and define a plan. Our first step was to make a list of each of our kids extracurricular activities and the things they enjoy to do the most.

We are a really organized couple (if this is not your strength, then this should be your first step) so every month we put on our visible calendar everything the kids got scheduled for that month. We just look into their weekly schedules and check on their school and activities calendars, so we can plan ahead adjust our agendas and squeeze a "date" with each individually. My husband has his own "dates" with each of the kids, and I have my own "dates" with them too. When you have more than 2 kids at home and a busy work schedule, it is really difficult to have all the dates within the same week, so the best option, which worked for us, was to have one date weekly every other month (we alternate months, one month is daddy's weekly dates and the other is mommy's). And of course, we have family dates every month and couple dates every other month too ;).


In order to give you some ideas of the kind of activities we do with the kids on our "dates", here is a list of them in case you want to put them into action. Thing #1 (Edrick, the story teller) loves science, the beach, dinosaurs,  video games, drawing and reading. Our dates with him may consist but are not limited to: drawing workshops (may be paid, or just go to the park, the beach or anywhere else where he can put his drawing abilities into action), visiting museums, visiting arcade parlors, bookstores or iteractive libraries where we can read adventure books together. Thing #2 (Xaymara, the diva) is all about fashion, hair do's, makeovers, dancing and singing. Our dates with the princess may consist of: day spa's, fashion sprees, karaoke or dance nights, salon visiting, tanning at the beach, manicure and/or pedicure (yes, she will be such a diva and high maintenance). Thing #3 (Giancarlo, the troublemaker) is all about super heroes, role playing, yard games (everything that allows him to run freely), video games, cartoons, the beach and ice cream. So, our dates with the little man mostly consist of going to the park or the beach, visiting arcade and/or ice cream parlors, role playing games or any activity that involves the super hero of the day. Another thing we do, to keep these "dates" creative, different and surprising is that we every once in a while, check their schedules and pick the less busy day of the week at school. Then we surprise one of them by picking him/her early from school and get our own "secret escape" with mommy and daddy. For obvious reasons this can not be done frequently, but if you have not tried it, give it a shot, it will give you and your kids a thrilling, adventurous and satisfying feeling.

We are still a working progress on this and we know this may seem overwhelming right now, but once you put it into practice, it becomes really easy to do. The joy on your kids' faces, the satisfaction of you as a parent, making the time to spend fun time with each of your kids is priceless. So, my recommendation for you is: GET ORGANIZED, sit down (with your husband or special other) and write your kids hobbies and favorite things, look for a spot in their calendars, adjust yours to adapt to it and be prepared to enjoy the best feeling of satisfaction, joy and accomplishment a parent can ever have.