My Story

Growing up, I was always a very insecure kid. I struggle to feel comfortable around people and with myself, and had a very low self esteem. Most of my insecurities came from the environment that surrounded me back then. My home was an environment of intimidation, aggression (physical and verbal) and humiliation, where my dad was the aggressor and my mom, my sister and I, his constant victims. Outside and to everyone else I looked like a happy normal kid, but deep inside I was always afraid, scare to return home, I put a lot of pressure on me to be perfect, so I will not get hit, or even worse, my mom got hit because of me. He was constantly humiliating us and reminding us that women were not created strong or created to be successful, and that the ones who think so were really stupid to believe it. Those words cave strongly in me. Here I was, pressuring myself to get awesome grades, to be perfect, to avoid any kind of confrontation, to the point where I let others call me names or just openly reject me, and this went on through all my growing days.

Allowing these things in my life hurt my self-esteem. I was not popular and did not feel like it either. I wasn’t a cool girl, or a sporty one, I felt out of place and really ugly. I used to compare my figure with pretty girls at school, all those popular girls who seemed to have it easy, and I always felt I was fat. I wasn’t, but I felt I was. Being rejected by the boys I liked and constantly humiliated by the male figure at home, I lost hope on myself, and refuge in the books and especially in food. Food was my place to go whenever my emotions were a rollercoaster. Starting college I was 30 lbs overweight, I dressed like an old lady with long skirts and wide blouses; I was ashamed to show any part of my body and did not enjoy going to the beach. I made myself believe that I just needed to study and became a professional, not caring to please anyone with my presence. But after a while, feeling alone and not appreciated, bored to hell and tired of “fighting” against everyone; and being so ignorant about fitness and nutrition, I thought that obsessing over exercising and avoiding eating was the solution to my overweight. I exercise for about 8 hours daily, 7 days a week. I stopped eating, because I thought if I eat “too much” or just eat at all, would make me fat again. I lost a lot of weight, I even received a lot of compliments about it, which made me feel and think I was on the right path. I became Anorexic (even though I was never diagnosed).

My mom figured something was wrong, so she started to cook healthy for me and monitored every meal I ate. I started to regain weight, managed to eat “healthy” and started to moderate the amount of exercising. Trying to do some soul search, I started to visit church more. This helped me to understand I could not change my past or my family, but I could change the woman I wanted to become and find a purpose in my life. I straight out my eating, continued working out, and visit church almost every Saturday, which elevated my levels of self-esteem.

Then I was involved in a “relationship” that derails me from everything I’d accomplished at that point. I partied a lot, did not eat healthy, drank a lot, stop visiting church, and I let all this into my life. Once I started this relationship my insecurities stroke back and without knowing, I was accepting being disrespected and unappreciated, I was the “band aid” for this person insecurities and even felt guilty for his “misfortune”. I lead myself to change into a different person, because I did not wanted to be alone and did not wanted to be rejected. For 3 years I allowed all this crap in my life, and during all that time I have the yo-yo effect, not only in my weight, but in my emotions as well. Whenever we were “good”, I started gaining weight and been “happy”; and when things were wrong between us, I lost a lot of weight and was depressed.

When I started to work, I met my husband, a wonderful man who not only share my passion for fitness and exercising, but who accepted me as who I am and saw everything good about me, pushes me to pursuit my dreams, and supports every crazy idea or decision I put into action. My life changed completely, I kept healthy eating habits and exercise (something we share and love).

The, baby #1 came and I gain 30 lbs that I never loose. Eight months after the arrival of baby #1, baby #2 was on her way, and another 18 lbs came along. I settled on these 48 lbs of overweight for a lot of time. I made myself belief it was “pregnancy fat” and impossible to loose because they were born through a Cesarean section. Using this excuse I indulge myself in really unhealthy food, did not exercise at all, I was “really busy” with my job, 2 babies, home duties and everyday living and responsibilities. How was I supposed to schedule time to plan and cook healthy meals, or even to workout? My emotions were a rollercoaster and fears started to show; I felt ugly, tired, insecure and sad all the time. Looking for an easy way out, I tried every single pill or supplement in the market that could make me loose weight quickly. But all those pills gave me the jitters and palpitations; I felt anxious, even nauseous every time I drank them. Then a magic pill miraculously appeared in front of me and solved my problems, I loose 40 lbs! I exercised about 3 times a week, whenever I could make the time, and my diet was really crappy. I did not monitor what I ate; I just follow a little book that came with the pills. I did not make an analysis of my caloric intake, or portion sizes or how balanced my meal plates were. And though I loose a lot of weight, I always felt tired, started to have digestive problems, nightmares and migraines, but hey I was 40 lbs lighter!!
After a few months baby #3 was on his way, and I felt like everything was lost. I used the pregnancy as an excuse to go overboard, and started eating unhealthy again. I even use the typical excuse that I was pregnant to eat whatever I wanted and to not exercise. I gain 35 lbs with baby #3, and kept them even while I was breastfeeding the baby.

Looking for options that did not included the pill again, I enrolled on a spinning class and bought P90X program, which I saw on an infomercial. I loose some weight due to the exercising, but I did not follow a nutrition plan, I just cut on some unhealthy food and have a cheat meal every now and then. I wasn’t satisfied with the weight loss since I wanted to reach the same weight before baby #3. I was so obsessed and frustrated with the number on the scale, that I quit P90X. I struggled a lot with the duration of the workouts and the time of the day I could do them. I had a new baby at home, and two older kids with a lot of schoolwork and extracurricular activities, a demanding job, a marriage to nourish and no family member near to help me or in whom I can rely my kids. I didn’t knew about the coaching program, nor the tools that were available for me, so I didn’t took advantage of that. All the work and home stress cave in my healthy eating habits again, so I started to look for the easiest, less time consuming tasks, that will not complicate my life. As a result, I stopped cooking, and every meal in my house was bought from fast food franchises, I stopped working out because I had a lot of responsibilities, I quit the gym because it was too early, or too late to go out and I have a family to take care of, I just didn’t wanted to go, I became lazy as hell. Obviously I regained the weight, and that was my easy way out. I got really depressed, I felt tired and sad all the time, unattractive, even guilty of not providing what my kids needed. I even started to avoid going out, buying new clothes and wearing really big clothing so no one “noticed” my weight gain. I felt uncomfortable in my own body. The combination of being trapped in a body I did not wanted nor knew, being unsatisfied with a job that provided me with a great income, but in which I felt trapped, uncomfortable, criticized and constantly compared with whom they felt were the “standard” to achieve, relying my kids care to complete strangers, not been able to participate on my kids activities, and not feeling the energy to play with them, unable to provide them with quality time, feeling tired and sick or having one of my constant migraines, were the main causes to became overweight again. My kids even noticed it and started to ask me why I was not able to spend time with them, why I was always sad, why I dressed like grandma, why I do not like to play with them and if it was because I was fat.

A fire lighted up inside me, I will not allow my kids to see this as an example, I will not allow my kids to be taken care by others, or allow myself to regret loosing the most precious moments of my kids’ lives. I stepped up and my first decision was quitting my engineering job and place my family needs first. I wanted to be able to enjoy my kids’ activities; to be available for them. I do not wanted to feel guilty if I needed to get out early from work. I wanted to take care of them when they were sick and needing me. And so far, it has been an amazingly enriching experience, I’d learned so much things about my kids that I didn’t even knew, they enjoy their time with me, and count with me, my presence and my support on everything they do. My overweight was still there; something was missing to complete the formula of feeling happy again. Then, I was presented with the coaching opportunity; an offer to loose weight and earn money by motivating and inspiring others with my body transformation. I was going to have a whole community of people with the same interests, with similar struggles, who will keep me on track until I reach my goal. Amazingly, it was the same company I knew through P90X, but with a different approach. I remember thinking to myself, I do not want to do P90X again, it is so long, and even boring (just my opinion). That was when I met Turbo Fire and its obnoxious trainer jumping and punching like a maniac. I thought there is no way in hell I’m going to be able to do that or keep that kind of energy level. But somehow the music, the trainer and the class participants’ energy, along with all those success stories made me believe that it might be possible. Here I was, needing to loose about 30 lbs, a job that allows me the freedom to spend time with my family, needing some financial remuneration from something that I did not feel as a burden or even as a job itself, which could provide a thrill and satisfaction in my life and which provides me the opportunity to reach other people and help them. I accepted the challenge, I loose 20 lbs, 23% of body fat, 35 inches around my body and dropped 6 pant sizes with TurboFire alone. I’m currently doing Les Mills Combat and had lost another 7 lbs, a pant size, ten more inches around my body, and another 10% of body fat. I’m more toned up and continued to sculpt my figure. I’m proud wearing a bikini to the beach, of been a fit mom of 3 kids born thru a C-section, and me showing my body, putting all those clothes I never thought I could wear, gives me a great satisfaction and sense of success. It has been an amazing journey, and after almost a year, I have kept a healthy weight and lifestyle. I’m still working to a fit and healthy life, I still working toward my personal goals, but the amazing thing is that I grew a higher satisfaction from a simple thing, a strong self-esteem and pride due to all the effort, passion and perseverance I’d put on my goals. Fitness provides an escape and stress free life for me. Having a healthy lifestyle aids me in providing a strong example to my family, to my friends, and to everyone I know. I love the freedom of being with my family; the feelings of watching others succeed with my help. All these things made me humble, strong; this thing I’m doing, and the things I’d accomplished will motivate, help and inspire other busy moms, struggling with their emotions, going thru crucial decisions of balancing life and work, who probably struggle with their insecurities from a difficult childhood, to define goals, persevere and reach them for a total fulfilling life and freedom.